I Am Everywhere
"And that's how, with a few minor adjustments, you can turn a regular gun into five guns."
The “shotgun approach” to getting work is tired. Real hustlers know what is actually necessary to make money in 2024.
No, I’m not talking about robbing people. At least not today. I’m just trying to keep my hustles straight. I originally wrote the list on a Post-It note, but I lost the note. Here are some ways I act like I make money:
Tutoring. It’s not lost on me that when I was at my least experienced at teaching, I was with the students most in need of a good teacher and as I’ve became better at teaching, I went on to work with wealthier families with students who have spent years in remediation or enrichment programs. I am usually one of many professionals specifically helping one kid get into the university their parents went to. It take a community to get a kid into Crossroads—> Harvard-Westlake —> Harvard.
Essay consulting. I’ve also gone further down the dark path of the education industrial complex. I personally think our society needs to do more to decrease the name value of schools, rather than providing more resources to game a system that is all about gaming systems. In fact, if interviewers weren’t allowed to ask about collegiate education, maybe we’d gain more than we lose. But, sure, for now I’ll pack your child’s personal essay with anecdotes highlighting leadership experience.
OutSchool. After teaching, tutoring, and ghostwriting for years, I really gravitated to the idea of being able to say something once and never repeat it again. Thus, I created an online course— perhaps the first of a handful. You can find my self-paced Intro to Screenwriting course nestled between Math for 4th Graders and ukulele lessons. Basically, I offer eight 30-minute lectures with assignments, notes, examples, and available options for personalized feedback. So far, not many takers.
“He’s giving it away for free!” UpWork. Here’s my number one source for writing clients despite, or because of, the 10-20% commission fee that goes to UpWork. This last spring, I applied for an “Expert-Vetted Badge” (whatever that means), paid UpWork a $45 fee, and got rejected. It was a particularly humbling failure to pay to not get meaningless recognition in a vain effort to have more doctors choose me to help them turn their life story in a pilot.
Nick-Works. My personal writing consultant/ghostwriting website. A few people have contacted me there and become clients, though I’ve also wasted the precious time of a few scam artists. That site is also where I’ve started repurposing some of my Screenwriting sub-reddit posts when I’ve responded to “Beginner Questions.” The copy-&-pasting is double-dipping content, but, hey, why if it’s already written, why not try to get the same laugh twice? The VoyageLA “interview” did not drive traffic.
YouTube. I appreciate everyone who cut me some slack during 2020, when clearly we were all losing our minds. Despite friends doing some excellent voice work, my “Dinosaurs in Space” (and later “10 Second History,” “How to Get Rich,” “Cooking with Nick",” etc.) web series never never really took off. The trailer mashups haven’t exactly caught fire either, so I am constantly reminding myself that yes, I am having fun. I am doing this for myself. I don’t need external validation. Jumping off a bridge is perfectly logical.
The Weigh In. One of the many joys of sharing a bed with a podcast host is getting to do the video edits for her. While the Instagram account run by her and her co-host has rightfully picked up some steam, the YouTube channel is fighting to get out of the doldrums. Like and subscribe! I promise I’ll keep using clips from The Simpsons.
Tik-Tok. Yes, I’m on Tik-Tok, though I’m confident I did not use the medium correctly three years ago or this year. Originally, I repurposed YouTube videos, but that didn’t seem right— partly because of the framing, low-quality, slowness. More importantly, I disliked watching Tik-Tok videos. A few months, I tried again— mostly to summarize movies I didn’t think my wife needs to watch. I think my Al Pacino impression improved, but only slightly. I neither earned nor deserved three-digit viewership.
Rover. I’m a professional dog-walker and dog-sitter, in that I sometimes find pennies while walking my own dogs and sometimes sit on those same dogs. Apparently liking dogs isn’t a unique personality trait in west LA and the competition on Rover is
ruffover-saturated. My account has not risen to the level of a “side hustle.”OnlyFans #1. The Guy Has Fans. It was early 2021 when I learned about Only Fans and I quickly learned that only a few comedians were there. I’ve often argued the merits of overlapping comedy and nudity, so I created a (and possibly the only?) parody page. I’ve since learned that the fan page of fans probably isn’t funny enough because while I’ve amassed 50+ followers (more than my Twitter account!), they all disappear as soon as I make any content cost more than free.
OnlyFans #2. The Guy Has Feet. Here’s an account that really never
got on it’s feetgained traction. Or at least not yet. It’s a sister-account I created when I heard that some people make $100k/year using just their feet on OnlyFans. I have feet! Unfortunately, I broke my foot shortly after creating the would-be foot fetish account, which probably didn’t help my cause. Also, I haven’t found the freaks that are into my feet.Mandy. Oh boy, now we’re entering the freelance entertainment jobs arena. Many of the postings are indie productions often looking for copy-n-credit work, but there are juuuuuust enough possibly interesting, and possibly paid, gigs that my malnourished optimism keeps going.
ShowBizzy, I don’t entirely understand. It seems like a social media-slash-job posting site, but I can’t really find much of anything while clicking through tabs. I can’t speak to what the site does uniquely, but I felt like I heard about it early and I wanted to risk being on the ground floor of something for the first time ever. I’m usually the type of person to get into Tumblr in 2019.
Stage 32, which could have a separate rant incoming. I won’t link to them. There be charlatans in these waters.
IMDb. Yes, I’m paying for IMDb Pro, which is a matter of vanity more than anything. These things happen when there are between 4 to 6 “Nick Adams” writers out there. IMDb has a jobs page, but I might be 0/12 on those submissions. I’m just putting up late-stage Klay Thompson numbers. It might be for the better though since the job posts often have too much ego baked in. The “chance of a lifetime,” you say? And “more future work is possible”? Cool!
Then there are the more general social media sites: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and (sigh) LinkedIn where I scrounge for entertainment and opportunities. I suppose I could also pay lip service to my screenwriting and playwriting as “hustles,” though it gets depressing when every hobby or interest needs a financial incentive.
If you love what you do, you’ll never take a day off of work!
And that all is how one goes about making $36k/year in Los Angeles. A dozen “income streams” that feel like drips from a clogged gutter.
Trickle down economics, indeed.
In the end, all of the hustles/cries for attention are just making noise in an effort to make some real noise. I have a job in same way Homer was in a band.
And I think I will suffer the same fate.
What am I forgetting? Where else can you find me trying to monetize myself?
Oh, yeah, Substack. Hi!